Everything
you wanted to know about Johnny...Everything
you wanted to know about Johnny...Johnny Hildo was born Derek Montrichard in the wonderful city of Surrey, British Columbia, Canada. His family, fearing his safety, quickly got Derek the hell out of there and moved to the Caribbean island of Trinidad.
Derek's family lived in Trinidad for nine years, and decided to move back to Canada. Montréal, Québec, to be exact. For the next four years, Derek ignored learning French, spent too much time idolizing the Montréal Expos and the Canadiens, and drinking New York Seltzers. He also would have had many memories of John Rennie High School, but he also suffers from creative amnesia.
In 1988, Derek's family moved to the west coast of Canada, to Saltspring Island, BC. There, he finished off high school and moved on to the exciting world of high stakes pool jockeying. Actually, he went to the University of Victoria. Starting off in Astronomy, Derek hated all the physics labs where he had to drop a ball 50 times, and then explain why his results did not prove that the gravitational constant was 9.98 m/s^2. So Derek moved on to Math. Pure Math. Since people in pure math can never get a real job except to ask, "Would you like fries with that?" Derek switched over to Statistics and Computer Science, where he graduated in 1999 with honours.
After graduating, Derek had to make a Big Life Decision. What to do with himself? Being the master of procrastinatiuon (as well as the evil master of power suction), Derek put off this decision and went back to school to get his Master's Degree in Statistics from the University of Toronto. For a year, Derek discussed how to invert a Q matrix using Q=(P + UV) identities, and how to calculate Baysian likelyhoods for complex sine/cosine inverted functions. He also tortured fellow grad students with his reinactment of Mace Windu Theatre, complete with action figure Slave Girl Princess Leia. Somehow, half of his grades were A+'s. Methinks UofT just wanted to get rid of this weirdo ASAP.
School was finally finished with in the summer of '00. No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers dirty looks! However, Derek loved torturing silly Torontonians so much, he decided to stay. Eventually, he sold his soul to the Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce, where he now makes pretty graphs for big bucks. But he still drinks too much coffee. Thank God.
So now that Derek is making a nice wad o' dough, just what does he do with it? As a great man once said (or was it Peter Parker, AKA Spiderman), "With great power comes great responcibility." Or maybe a better cliche would be, "Absolute power corrupts absolutely." In any case, Derek is putting all his free time and free money into a Great Evil. Is it booze? Drugs? Babes? A Lexus? A condo in the Grand Bahamas? Swiss bank account? None of the above. Derek is addicted to anime. So instead of getting a real life, Derek lusts after cute cute Japanese animations. But who can blame him -- Belldandy is so cute.
Oh, and just where did he get the name Johnny Hildo anyway? Well, for two years and change, Derek was a host on Victoria's CFUV 101.9FM radio station, where he used the handle (guess! guess!) Johnny Hildo. So now, Derek gets himself confused with his alter ego, and should be locked up in a loony bin soon enough.
